Well I was just trying to escape that feeling of failure, that I am going through for the last couple days due to a bad exam that I have given, but then I realize one exam cannot define my life, my success, and I was giving 12th for 2nd time (Why was I doing this…?? It would be a topic of another blog, not this one).
So my Maths exam went terrible and that to on the 2nd attempt where as I got 57 in my 2016 boards, I cannot afford to get less than this. But what would I say or how would I face the world, when the people out there would ask about my exam and what would I say to them, and specially my so-called good friend Subhajeet Mahanty with whom I am being compared right from the day my mother knew about him. I don’t know how to deal with these things in my life and all of these things were eating my head out for past 3 days, I was not even able to sleep normally. I don’t have any hard feeling about any one not even Subhajeet or any guy, but I just can’t make my parents realize that we both are not same and I am different and I don’t think like him and he does not thinks like me, we both are different people with different mind-set and different goals to achieve, we live in different dreams, and perceive the world with different visions, and they should just stop comparing me with him. But I guess the only thing I can do is live with this and expect it to never stop, just like there are few hurdles in your path that you learn to live with, though I don’t hate him but I am not fond of him either, and this thing would never stop because now my mother says that “Look at him (Subhajeet), he is going to a such a good college and look at you, you are just wasting your life and, you didn’t even went to collage this year and you will be illiterate and BLAH…BLAH…BLAH”; and I prefer not to listen further. The next thing she would say after few more years would be “Look at him he have a nice job, and drives a nice car, he is married and is so well settled, and have a good wife, look at you loser just shame to family BLAH…BLAH…BLAH”. Well after all this thing I know she will keep loving me like this unconditionally and I will always be her a spoiled child, but I guess that’s how our love is defined for each other in this boundary of comparison with him.
But moving on since these terrible thoughts were going in my mind for more than 3 days I decided to get out of this thing, I know I am gonna be fine and I was just thinking too much, so I decided to just go out and enjoy the sun rise and, start a fresh form a fresh page again and I just decided take a break out of this failure chapter and I thought since I have already passed my 12th once so it doesn’t really matters if I screw it up this time (though it will hurt a bit if I screw it up badly, a loss of year and it resulted in nothing but loss and I may regret about it in future),but stress can never result in good things, but a good pleasant morning will help me get over all my stress, so I decided to go out and enjoy the ‘Sunrise’.
It was 4:30 am in the morning when I called my friend Debajit and went to best place of my city where the sunrise is awesome and not only the morning was feeling good today, even though I didn’t sleep last night I was not feeling tiered, I guess whenever you start a fresh the nature nourishes you with all the energy it can and if you use it in right direction things work out pretty well. So I took my dad’s car and enjoyed the beautiful sunrise and the view, it feels awesome to drive in morning and the breeze itself is so refreshing, and I was feeling so re-energized.
I don’t know how much this positive energy is going to remain inside me but I guess happiness is what it matters the most, if you are happy then you can fight ahead and go for it but if you are not then it is difficult to do so. So I decide to stay happy and I guess step by step the life opens its principles and you choose very few of it and on the basis of that your success is define. If it’s so then I choose to stay happy and try make a difference into the world for the well-being of the human race, since if you are happy then you can spread happiness and make this world a better place to live in for us and the next generation to come.